What do I want?

This is a poem I wrote not too long ago during a tough time. I ran across it the other day while looking through some boxes. It's a pretty interesting and accurate assessment of my heart and what I want out of my life. It's a little long, but I think it's worth the reading time. Judge for yourself:

What do I want?
less valleys, more steady ascent
To welcome the unexpected
to go where I am sent

To live the life I'm led to lead
Though the outcome isn't clear
To follow in obedience
to do away with fear

To go abroad, across the seas
for adventures yet untold
The heart within me begs me "Please!"
when age wants me to fold

To be a faithful steward
of the life that I've been given
Not hoarding wealth just for myself
but storing it in heaven

To know joy and peace and love
Just as well as I know sin
To find repentance, to be renewed
not to turn back again

To live for something greater
something bigger than myself
To know my script line by line
to play the role so well

To make glad music in my heart
as well as with my mouth
To praise from a joyful soul
a well that won't run out

To be desperate and broken
just to be made whole and new
To starve myself from the world
to have grace as my food

To deny myself the supposed right
to anger or to hate
For being Christ is better
than a woeful, sulking state

To love in such a way
as to teeter on the beam
where mercy and intolerance
sit on opposite extremes

Never to condemn a man
but always to refine
To judge the works of others
in the same way I judge mine

To seize the day and bind it up,
handing it to Christ
To give up what I thought were reins
so he can run my life

To inspire those around me
with the strength that dwells within
Not for fame or glory
but to bring them close to Him

To somehow share in suffering
To learn how to obey
To live is Christ; to die is gain:
THERE IS NO OTHER WAY